…when they’re your mother and you’re her primary caretaker? Yea, it’s a question because that’s where the conflict lies. My mother is a covert narcissist, and you’ll have to just take my word for it, because of course narcissists don’t know they’re narcissists, and all the flying monkey’s that they surround themselves with will trip over their own jennies telling you what a sweet, kind person your mother is. In reality she is a latin, authoritarian, baby-boomer, and a well-weaponized purveyor of the “smile-more” school of mental-health. The first three descriptors. “Latin”, “Authoritarian” and “Baby-Boomer” are really a triple-redundancy, and when you mix all three of them together you’ve created a vile and obnoxious stew that would make the festering butthole of raccoon-roadkill seem like a palatable alternative.
Let’s start with Latins, and I’ll direct you to a wonderful article. Read the article, then come back, that way i don’t have to be redundant. Assuming you read what she had to say, i can tell you that from my experience it’s 1000% accurate. Like a lot of aspects of the parenting that Gen-X’rs like myself received, there was a fair share of “normalized abuse” spanking, humiliating discipline, shaming, impossible standards, as well as demeaning and diminishing disrespect, which for us was all “normal” because we had no frame of reference at the time to realize that our parents sucked at their job. To be fair, my parents, at least from the periphery had the “best of intentions”, but what were those intentions really? to be the best version of myself or to represent the family with honor and distinction and not embarrass them? This is a double-whammy when you have a narcissist for a parent who thinks that your life is not your own but rather you are an extension of them. There was always only one direction that my parents spoke to me, and that was down. I don’t know if my father was a narcissist, although he certainly had narcissistic tendencies, a very fragile ego and was a hard-core authoritarian and disciplinarian, I wasn’t really in tune yet with the reality of my upbringing until years after he died, so there was never an opportunity to really assess his pathology, my mother on the other hand is a textbook covert narcissist, she double-checks every box and is so consistent with her behavior it’s patently predictable.
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